I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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