we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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