shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
