Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
