Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize