Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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