If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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