Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
how drunk are you?
Several
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
