and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
