Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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