just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
