she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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