I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
