Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
