We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
