the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
