he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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