so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
