true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
