Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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