he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
