capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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