At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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