Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
