My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
