How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize