i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
