when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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