I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
