I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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