So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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