Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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