i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
