i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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