Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
