The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
