gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
