what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
