For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
