btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
