Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
