The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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