I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
