If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
