my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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