you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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