That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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