the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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