She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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