Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
