im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
