This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
