We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
