my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
