so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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