Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
