Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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