Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
