worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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