apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
