She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
