why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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