So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did i walk over a car last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
