Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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