just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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