half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
