can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
