I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
