she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
