If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
