two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
