would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
