apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
