She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i will never coherently bang her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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