My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
